“But They Can Do It at Home!” Understanding Effort, Fatigue and Participation

One of the things parents sometimes tell me is:

“I know they can do it. They just don't do it at school.”

Or:

“They can write their name at home, but school says their writing is very slow.”

Or:

“They can get dressed themselves — it just takes forever.”

This can be confusing.

If a child can do something, why wouldn't they simply do it? The answer is that there's an important difference between being able to do something and being able to do it easily, efficiently and consistently.

Skill isn't the whole story

Imagine two children who can both write their names. One child sits down, writes it quickly and moves on to the next activity. The other child grips the pencil tightly, presses hard, concentrates intensely, tires quickly and needs several minutes to complete the same task. Technically, both children can write their names. But the experience is very different.

For one child, writing is relatively automatic. For the other, writing requires a huge amount of effort. And that matters.

When a task takes too much effort

Children don't always have the words to tell us:

“This task is taking more energy than I have available.”

Instead, we might see:

• Avoidance

• Frustration

• Slower work

• Reduced attention

• Asking for help

• Becoming silly or distracted

• Giving up quickly

• Complaining that something is “boring”

• Becoming upset when a task is repeated

Sometimes the behaviour we see is actually telling us something about the effort involved in the task.

Why school can make this more obvious

A child may manage a task successfully at home because the environment is different.

Perhaps they're working one-on-one with a parent.

Perhaps there's no time pressure.

Perhaps they can take a break.

Perhaps the task is shorter.

At school, they may need to complete the same activity while:

• Sitting at a desk

• Listening to instructions

• Ignoring distractions

• Keeping up with their classmates

• Managing their body

• Remembering what they're supposed to do

• Completing several tasks in a row

Suddenly, the same skill becomes much more demanding. This is where occupational therapy can help.

In OT, we don't only ask:

“Can they do it?”

We also ask:

“How are they doing it?”

“How much effort does it take?”

“What happens when the task gets harder?”

“What is getting in the way of participation?”

This helps us understand the difference between a child who hasn't developed a particular skill yet and a child who has the skill but is using an inefficient or effortful strategy.

We want children to feel capable

One of the most important things we can do is help children experience success. That might mean breaking a task into smaller steps. It might mean changing the environment. It might mean strengthening an underlying skill. It might mean finding a more efficient strategy. Or it might simply mean giving the child the right support at the right time. Because independence isn't about expecting children to do everything completely on their own.

True independence is having the skills and strategies to participate successfully — and knowing when to ask for help.

So the next time someone says, “But they can do it!”, it might be worth asking a different question: “Yes — but how hard is it for them?”

That distinction can tell us a lot.